there and back again

Sometimes, things don't go the way you want them to.

For example: I am the first full-time missionary in my family. So when I sent in my mission papers, I thought I'd get a nice comfy mission call in North America. Maybe South America, although even that was a little out of my comfort zone. I figured if I got really, really lucky, I'd get placed in the Midwest and only be a few hours away from my family, where I'd still be able to keep in touch with everyone and I'd never get too homesick because, well, I'd be home.

Then I got a call to Thailand. It's over a year since I got the call and it still amazes me that the Lord called me there. It was completely mind-blowing. Getting to Thailand was a long, hard process and being in Thailand was even harder. But it was the best time of my life.

And now I'm back, several months earlier than I expected, on medical release.

Once I got my call and it started to settle in, I researched Thailand, started teaching myself Thai, and tried as best I could to prepare myself for what it would be like.

Unfortunately (but really fortunately), Thailand was so far away and so remote to me that I had absolutely no idea what the freeeak I was getting myself into. I just didn't know. And so once again, I had to put aside my perfectionistic, independent tendencies and just rely on God.

It was really hard. I had no idea what would happen to my family, or me, or really what I would be doing. I had the good fortune of meeting Emily Brown and Tessa Herrmann, who were going to Thailand with the same MTC entrance date as me (Tessa ended up as my first companion!). But even knowing them only confirmed that none of us actually knew what we were doing.

Soon enough, that fateful MTC entrance date came.

Apparently, most districts are small. Like, two to four companionships, usually not more than 10 people.

My MTC district had 14 total. And I love every single one of them like they're my own flesh and blood. We spent two months together, bugging the crap out of each other, strengthening each other, growing together...and trying to learn Thai along the way.

A week or so into the MTC, my dad went into surgery and I started really suffering. I couldn't focus, and I started to question whether I was really supposed to be there. That all changed with a priesthood blessing from one of the elders in my district. That blessing is seared in my memory, especially one phrase: "God has complete confidence in your ability to serve a complete 18-month mission."

Whoa. And that whole time I'd been thinking there was no way I could do any of it.

I don't believe it was an overnight change, but I found a lot of strength in that blessing and I started to adjust to the whole "being a missionary" thing. I started to get more comfortable in my role and have fun with it.

I owe so much to the sisters in my MTC group. Tessa, my first companion, was such a good example to me of patience and love and while we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things and we definitely had a rough patch that ended with us changing companions, I always knew how good of a missionary she was (and is). I adore her and am so grateful that despite our past issues, we got over it and are better friends than ever now! My second MTC companion, Brecklyn Nethercott...is my soul sister. It was just kinda one of those companionships where we never had to say anything, we always knew how the other was feeling and how to help.

I could talk for forever about my MTC experience and the things I learned, but I think the most important lessons can be summed up in the missionaries in my district. I learned so much from them and several times I remember the impression that I was in the presence of spiritual giants when we were gathered in the classroom.

But it was a long two months, and we were more than excited to actually get to our destination and hit the ground running!

The flight was miserable, the jet-lag was death, and before we knew it we'd sat through our first transfer meeting and we were all getting shipped off to our new areas with our new companions. It didn't take me long to realize that I was one of the only sister missionaries not being trained in Bangkok. Instead, I was getting shipped off to Kalasin, a province in the middle of the Isaan, which for the most part is just rural towns and rice fields.

And my companion and I were going to be the other two missionaries in the province.

My trainer, Kara Ladle, was an incredible missionary. She was completely baller at the language, exactly obedient, and knew how to talk to everyone. Coming out of the MTC, I was amazing at the language for a greenie, loved the thai people, and was willing to do whatever was asked of me. Killer team, right? So why didn't we see a crapload of success and growth and happiness like I'd found in the Missionary Training Center?

I'm not inclined to blame the area, even though the area was tiny and brutally difficult as far as finding investigators went. We spent a lot of time standing in front of Big C (the thai equivalent of walmart pretty much) holding pictures of baptism, asking people if they wanted to "wash their sins." Buddhist people don't really have a concept of sin, so...nobody was really interested.

But despite the fact that we were lucky if we got 40 people to church on Sundays, I don't think that was the problem. I think the problem was taking place inside of me. I'm not really sure what changed or when, but by the time I got to Kalasin all I could feel was that I'd made a horrible mistake and that I was suddenly cut off from feeling the Spirit in teaching, studying, and praying.

It felt like hell. I cried for an hour every day during personal study and cried myself to sleep every night as soon as daily planning was finished at 9:30 (normally missionaries go to bed at 10:30). I felt absolutely awful all the time and while I felt I was doing everything to draw closer to God, I was completely blocked. I felt no love for anyone, myself included, and as time went on I learned to just swallow the awful feelings and not feel. Leaving the house every day filled me with dread. I closed off because I didn't know what was wrong and so, of course, nobody knew.

When it rains, it pours.

By some complete miracle I survived the first six weeks, all the worse for wear. We picked up another companion at the next transfer meeting and became a trio, even though I was still being trained. I remember wondering how the heck that was going to work.

The new companion was Brittany Lam, and she brought a whole different perspective to my mission experience. She was spunky and funny and goofed off and had fun and was happy, which is something that, trudging along in my own misery, I'd neglected to do. I learned a lot from Lam about that. She injected energy and spirit and it was just enough to get us going for another month.

It was during this period that I first started exhibiting symptoms of the health problems that eventually sent me home. It started as heat exhaustion and lack of appetite from working myself too hard and not allowing myself to relax or enjoy myself. I had this mentality that I needed to do everything and be perfect, because missionaries are superheroes, right?

I was working hard but I wasn't working smart.

By the time our mission president called to tell us that all three of us would leaving ("white-washing" in mission terminology), I don't think any of us were surprised. The branch was falling apart and we were all emotionally dead from the stress and drama of a lot of different things that had occurred. Despite the relief of leaving, I was also terrified to leave because Kalasin was all I'd ever known, and the idea of going anywhere else (specifically Bangkok) was not appealing. My occasional heat exhaustion had turned into consistent nervous appetite loss and even stomach pain.

And so all this led me to sitting on the floor of the hallway outside the transfer meeting, feeling completely broken in spirit and body. I didn't know how I was going to make it through that day, much less the next year. I told God that I could do six more weeks, and if something didn't change I was going to go home.

It wasn't meant to be a threat, just a desperate plea for something to give.

I got through that day on a fist bump.

I knew my limits, but God knew them even better. I found out that day I'd be serving in Pakkret (the same church building where we did transfers) and I'd be serving with Jessica Ellis. I remember our first night, after we'd said goodnight, I told her everything. That I was on my last six weeks and that I was miserable and wanted to go home. I wondered if I was making a mistake opening up to her like that, but she spent the next six weeks confirming that being open was the best decision I could have made.

She nursed me back to health. Not just physically bringing me to the hospital and making sure I took all the weird medicine the doctors were throwing at me, but she talked to me and she listened. We took breaks, we went at my pace and sometimes I felt frustrated because I knew I could be doing more, but she helped me realize that I was important. My health was important. In fact, I was just as important as the people we were teaching!

I started to fall in love with Thailand again! I didn't feel dread every single morning when I woke up for fear that I wasn't doing enough or working hard enough. I understood that I was doing my best without killing myself, and I actually started to feel better physically.

There was one P-day (preparation day) when some of the Elders in our area had the idea to go to Lopburi (an area a few hours north of Pakkret) to climb a mountain. We left the house at 6am and took a van for a few hours to our destination.

The mountain we hiked...I wish I remembered the name of it because it had such a profound impact on me. 4000 steps carved in the side of the mountain led to the top, where there was a small temple. Monks had made the trek for decades, a pilgrimage that helped solidify their dedication to their work.

Apparently monks are in much better shape than I was. I remember being around 1,000 steps in and deciding I was done. I apologized to my companion (we'd already been going slower than everyone else) and sat down on a step and just looked down the mountain. It wasn't the top, but it was nice enough. I wasn't going to beat myself up over not getting there.

My companion waited a few minutes with me and then she started to push. "Just a little bit more," or "let's just get to the next rest stop." And so slowly, we continued. The steps got steeper, and as we got higher I was really not doing well. My lungs hurt and the repetitive motion of climbing steps was boring and didn't seem to be making much of a difference in climbing the mountain.

The other missionaries were crazy supportive, too. Elders slowed down to stay with us, kept us joking and laughing, brought us water and the Thai equivalent of Gatorade. I remember wondering why it was so important that I got to the top of that mountain.

But I made it. I was the last one up, and I was out of breath, embarrassed, and exhausted, but then we had a devotional on the top of the mountain that changed my focus on the mission.

Most of our zone at the top of the mountain

It was about the temple. Our zone leaders led a discussion and taught us about the temple. About why it mattered. I think I always knew, but that devotional brought out a lot of understanding that I hadn't consciously processed before. These people needed a temple. It wasn't a luxury. It was a necessity. These Saints here in Thailand needed the blessings, the peace and the ordinances in the temple like nothing else. We all knew members or families in Thailand who'd died without an opportunity to go to the temple. And that day I caught the vision. What I was supposed to be doing in Thailand. I wasn't just standing outside or walking around asking people to wash their sins or go to a Christian church, I was helping to build a temple.

It's only now that I get why it was so important for me to get to the top of that mountain.

Actually, that mountain has become a metaphor for the mission in countless ways. I talk about that day all the time because it had such an impact on me. After that, I started to really catch the vision, the fire, the why of the work we were doing.

Which became my inflection point.

I was so sad to be separated from Sister Ellis. We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas parties together, survived a heckuva lot of crazy Sundays taking care of three wards, and she taught me so much about valuing myself and being myself. I realized that God called me to serve the mission. And I figured out how to work hard and work smart.

I figured out that this is supposed to be a joyful work!

I didn't know how things could keep getting better after having a companion like Jessica Ellis. But my next companion did just that. Sister Yanisa Mansiriphaiboon (I'm so proud that I can say and spell her name without thinking about it) and I actually went on a switchoff in my first area. We were companions for a day, and ever since then, I'd always thought it'd be awesome to be companions with her, because we were so alike, loved to have fun, and she was an incredible teacher.

But I never thought it'd actually happen. Dreams do come true, folks. I'm a witness.

Yanisa is a convert of two years, but you'd never guess that from the way she understands and teaches the gospel. I can't remember how many times I just sat there in lessons, listening to her teach and explain things better than I could have explained them in english! My testimony and understanding of the doctrine of Jesus Christ grew tremendously when I was serving with her.

It's worth mentioning that my health problems continued for the first bit of our time together. I had a medical procedure and after that and trying countless drugs and consultations, I was told that the root of the medical problem was simple stress from the lifestyle I was living. In the opinions of the doctors, I needed to go home, take a break from the lifestyle, go back to "normal" life.

But I couldn't. I felt like I had to stay, and Yanisa was with me every step of the way. With her relaxed approach to everything, she helped me eliminate a lot of the things that were stressing me out and, eventually, get me out of a negative physical cycle. I started feeling better and being able to work at the level that I wanted to.

We could do anything together, even contacting long hours in the hot sun. We never got bored, and we never got frustrated with each other. Okay, I can recall maybe three times in our three months of being companions when I actually got frustrated with her, and they were all for dumb reasons that were actually my fault. When the hour of frustration had passed, I wanted nothing more than to make up and spend more time (goofing off) with her.

We served together for two transfers. I worried at first that I would tire of her or get more frustrated but we only grew closer and as my thai improved, our conversations began to increase in length and topic and complexity. She is without a doubt one of my best friends and I can't imagine my life not knowing her. If that was the only reason I was sent to Thailand, it still would have been completely worth it.

In every way, I was thriving. I started getting answers to prayer easier and faster and feeling the Spirit stronger. I was at my peak; Yanisa and I could easily cover the challenge of working in three units (a thai ward, thai branch and international ward) and our workload was insane but we managed to do it every week. Around this time I started saying the "superman prayer," which goes a little like this:

Heavenly Father,
There is no freaking way I can do everything that's being asked of me right now.
But you can do this through me.
I know I'm not superman, but please qualify me to do what you need me to do today.

And so forth. And it worked! Every time I said a prayer like that, I found my capacities expanded, my abilities increased, and everything that needed to get done, was done. Maybe that wasn't everything, but it was always enough.

But all things must come to an end, and our almost four months of perfect balance ended when I got a call saying that I would be training the next transfer.

I'd always wanted to train. It was a dream of mine ever since I arrived in Thailand, though I'm not really sure why. Over time, I understood that training was less about when I was ready and more about when "my girl" came. When I got the training call, I felt unsure and even wrong. As much as I wanted to train, I wanted to do it for the right person, the person I was supposed to train.

My fears dissipated when our names were announced together at the transfer meeting. Sister Tara-Ann Teriipaia. I quickly discovered that we were nothing alike, which surprised me since my trainer and I were very alike. Sister Teriipaia was energetic and rambunctious! I really needed her energy and persistent optimism.

I'm not sure when it happened, but that transfer I put a lot on my plate and I started paying the price for it physically, mentally and emotionally, just like I had before. I was clocking out before we even left the house every day. I loved the area and the work but I was getting worked up about nothing and everything started to feel wrong. I tried so many things. We switched up studies, tried new routes, switchoffs, and endless conversations about the problem. It wasn't going away.

That's when my mission president started talking to me about going home. I violently rejected the idea; it simply wasn't an option to me. I didn't sign up for anything less than an 18-month deal. To me, anything less was failure. I'd rather die than go home early.

And so I pushed on, believing that, along with all of my other trials and ailments on the mission, it would go away through more work and dedication. There was one day where I had a fever of at least 39.5 Celsius (around 103 Fahrenheit). I was delirious. And I spent the rest of that week in bed. I was losing weight, never ate, perpetually in pain of some kind, and every day I felt more and more dead inside. Sometimes I'd even think about just walking into the middle of the street and letting it be over because it was so hot and I just had nothing left to give.

And somehow, I refused to admit what was happening to me. I was working myself to death.

Two weeks before transfers, I got a call from my Mission President. The call ended something like this.

Prez: "Well Sister Zoller, if you're going home I'd like to send you home with the missionaries going home next week. I'll let you think about the decision tonight and you can get back to me tomorrow morning."

It was already after 10pm, and missionaries are supposed to be in bed by 10:30. I don't think I went to sleep for a few hours that night. I was so torn up. On the one hand, I thought going home would be healthy -- to be able to rest from my labors and regenerate. But then again, I'd told myself I was only going to make the round trip to Thailand and back once on my mission. And this isn't what I'd signed up for! I was convinced that my Heavenly Father was just looking down at me waiting for me to make the right choice, and that choice was to stay. After all, the mission wasn't about me, and I'd be making a mistake if I did what benefited me the most, even though my companion and mission president both counselled me to follow that course.

So I chose to stay. I was very resolute about it and felt committed as ever. I was going to make it work. Somehow. "I'm staying, President." And click, I hung up the phone.

And then I was seized by a horrible feeling. It felt like death. I felt like I'd just signed away my life. But this is what I wanted! I needed to stay. So I fought that awful feeling, for almost six hours. And that whole day I couldn't focus, I couldn't invite, and I couldn't teach.

I knew I was making the wrong decision. It was the hardest phone call I've ever made, which is saying a lot because making phone calls has always been a source of anxiety in my life. I had to work myself up to doing it for somewhere in the ballpark of 10 agonizing minutes. But I knew I couldn't keep fighting God. My mission president knew, too. I think that's why he'd gently urged me to consider going home in the first place.

When I hung up the phone, I still felt that pit in my stomach, but I knew I was doing what God wanted me to do.

A week before transfers I moved to the office with all my stuff and did miscellaneous office tasks and finalizing logistics. I loved that week. I saw so many missionaries and was the recipient of so many acts of generosity and kindness. I will never forget that week.

On my last P-day, I took a field trip with the senior couples to the Kanchanaburi Province, which includes among other things the site of the Bridge Over the River Khwae. For those of you who don't know what that was or haven't seen the movie by that title, it was a Japanese prisoner torture camp during World War II for British, Australian, American and Dutch prisoners. We went to a museum and war cemetery, among other places, and it was overall pretty eye-opening and sobering. At the cemetery, we walked among rows upon rows of graves of officers who died in the camp, ranging in age from 22 to 47. I saw a few graves with the following inscription on them:

"Greater love hath no man that he lay down his life."

Isn't that what I was doing? I was willing to give my life to this work, and in some ways, dying seemed like a better option than going home. I was miserable. I was already homesick for Thailand and I took in every sight and sound and 7/11 snack like it was my last. The Lord knew I had given everything to the mission and there was a growing spot of peace in my heart where the heartbreak of leaving had been. That scripture on the grave made me begin to understand.

I got to spend another day at the office (and out of the office) with Rina Grover and Brynne Woodbury (in the picture), one of my many heroes on the mission. I tried not to tell people I was going home, but when they inevitably found out, they only responded with genuine love and concern. I still felt so ashamed of myself. Why couldn't I just serve for 18 months? What was wrong with me?

left to right: Elder Webb (my "son"), Elder Batey (my last district leader), me, and Sister T (my "daughter")

That transfer meeting was hard. That last week is all a blur but I remember specific moments in slow motion. I remember the last time I sang a closing song to a meeting in Thai, I remember saying goodbye to Brecklyn Nethercott in the van on my way out, I remember the airport at 4am, I remember sitting on the plane just terrified of leaving a place I'd once been terrified to go to.

my last night in Bangkok

As it turns out, there's nothing wrong with me. I served a complete mission in God's eyes. I just couldn't see it. With time, and some really supportive, convincing friends, I've started to see things for how they really are. An 18-24 month mission is relative. What really matters is what happens after it.

God allowed me to come home for a lot of reasons, probably. I know one of them is that He cares about me the same way he cares about my investigators and the members that I was giving everything for in the mission field. And I think that's pretty cool.

The mission is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's still hard to think about it sometimes, but every time I do I always get this feeling that I did was I was supposed to. My full-time mission ended. But I realized about six months into my service that if you do the mission right, it never really ends. It leads to a life of consecrated service to the Lord. It's more than putting on a name-tag every day and adhering to a bunch of rules in a little white handbook. It's about the way you wake up every morning and approach every day. It's about the way you interact with people, from your family to random people on the street.

Sometimes, things don't turn out the way you want them to. They almost always turn out better. And it can only go up from here.

I'm ready to go! (get me outta my mind)

So...today's our last day here! And today I'm two months old already! We leave at 3:00pm Utah time and fly out tonight! It's sooo weird to think I've spent basically my entire summer here and now I'm finally leaving. But we're all so ready.

Monday night was our last night with Brother Thrap, one of our teachers. In honor of his last night, he sang "Let it Go" in Thai (he promised to do it a long time ago but we didn't think he actually would haha). We've really gotten attached to our teachers, they are all incredible people with incredible spirits and it's through their examples as teachers and friends that I've been able to become a better teacher and missionary here.

Tuesday was our last big devotional here! And wow was it a good one! Elder John Groberg came to speak to us (for those who don't know, he's the missionary that the movie "The Other Side of Heaven" is based on) about testimonies. We are always sharing our beliefs, whether we realize it or not, through what we say, what we do, what we sing, what we pray, what we write, and who we are. It was an inspiring devotional, but in my opinion the coolest parts came after he spoke. When all the missionaries in the MTC sang the closing hymn "I Know that My Redeemer Lives" and we're now several thousand strong, the Spirit hit me like a wall. We are truly God's army here, preparing to be sent forth to the nations to declare the truth and serve God's children. I'm so grateful to have been here for that. After the hymn, we went to our classroom for our "devotional review" with everyone in our district, and MAN my district is just so strong spiritually. 9 weeks with the same people 24/7 has given me an in-depth look into the lives of the 13 other people in my district, and I love them like they're my family.

Wednesday we got to host again! Hosting is one of my favorite things here, so I'm so grateful we got to do it one more time here. Some of the people I hosted and some of the people others in my district hosted got me thinking about how amazing it is that PEOPLE CAN CHANGE. While here, I always was so prideful about not wanting to change because I like who I am, but God has our end in mind and if we allow Him to improve us, we will never be disappointed with the result!

Thursday was my Dad's birthday! Happy birthday Dad! :) We had our last lesson with our investigator that night, so it was a little bittersweet. One powerful lesson I've learned here is that I am not the author of my success, the Lord is. When I commit myself to the work and focus on studying and being productive, I'm demonstrating my desire for the gift of tongues and the other blessings I've been promised as a missionary.

Friday was In-Field Orientation!!!! This is the infamous all-day workshop that takes place the Thursday or Friday before you enter the field. We've been looking forward to it for nine weeks haha...well, it was good. Nothing new, necessarily, and to be frank I think the majority of it was directed to missionaries going english-speaking or stateside, but there were definitely some good insights there.

Saturday was our last day of class -- another bittersweet moment. We got to say goodbye to Brother Shipley, Sister Stolworthy and Sister Hirschi, as well as our other teachers like Brother Chamberlin and Brother Yuen. Again, it's crazy how close we've all gotten. I've never once doubted that they genuinely care about me and love me and want to help me be the best missionary I can be. I'm so grateful for all of their insights, advice, and mostly their testimonies and their love for the people of Thailand. They have changed my mission and my life more than I can say and I love them more than I can express.

Sunday was our last everything! Last temple walk, last sacrament meeting, last time in our classroom together, last dinner in the MTC, last devotional...crazy! It was so much fun and crazy busy but all in all I can say this has been a great learning experience. In a lot of ways, the MTC is a refiner's fire, and as hard as it's been I'm grateful to have grown by being here for nine weeks. I didn't want it, but I think I needed it.

I love you all, and I love this gospel! I'm so grateful and humbled, really, to be going to Thailand and to be leaving TODAY.

1. district picture

2. picture with our Nong-thais!

3. another pic with our Nong-thais! We were only gonna get like one picture with a few of them but then suddenly they all piled in and wow I just love these missionaries so much! we have an amazing zone, and AMAZING missionaries going to Thailand!

--
Sister Zoller

MTC insights: things I've learned from my MTC district

I've been blessed to be part of a big, incredible district the past 9 weeks here. I'm so grateful for them and as part of that expression of gratitude, I wanted to make a separate blog post about some of the things I've learned from all 13 of them!

#teamthaithighs
--
Sister Alley always turns outwards! Whenever someone needs help, she is always willing to sit down with them and help them understand a concept or brainstorm ideas for an answer. She is so selfless, and has an incredible amount of wisdom and spiritual insight that she is selfless in sharing with those around her.

Sister Pitts is so humble. She watches people and always tries to emulate their best characteristics, which reflects the humility in her and also her ability to see the gifts and strengths of others. She is so kind and caring and will work tirelessly behind the scenes to take care of people and situations and then take none of the credit.

When I think of Sister Mamea I think of how she's always laughing about something. She is such a genuinely positive person! She's also super obedient. I've never once heard her complain or try to fudge the rules to get her way. She knows what she's been asked to do and she just does it! She is so positive and upbeat and it's contagious! I always feel happier around her.

Sister Peck is a wonderful example of endurance and patience. She is an excellent teacher and student, and she's always willing to slow down to ensure comprehension and learning in herself and others. She's also super patient with other people and takes everything in stride. She's an emotional person, and that adds such strength to her testimony and her beliefs.

Sister Brown is empathetic, supportive of everyone in their desires and goals, patient in misunderstandings, and loving of everyone. She is an agent of change -- she sees when something needs to be changed and then takes steps to make it happen.

Sister Herrmann is so sincere and always tries to understand and express empathy when she's talking to others. She is an effective communicator and definitely has the gift of love for others and for the people of Thailand.

Elder Hilton is cheerful, patient with himself, and so good at service! He always knows how to help with the little things and is eager to jump in with both feet in service to others. He is bold and unafraid of the language barrier.

Elder Okimoto has the same positivity I see in Sister Mamea -- must be a Hawaii thing. He knows how to find joy in the simple things; eating a mango, memorizing another stack of flashcards, or getting seconds at dinner. He is so diligent! When he's not actively working in class or teaching, he's reviewing a stack of his hundreds of flashcards. I love his never-ending work ethic, and his testimony has grown exponentially since coming here.

Elder Luker has so much faith! To see him come to realize just how much faith he does have over the last nine weeks has been a blessing for me to watch. When he dedicates himself emotionally to learning and serving, he is so determined and unstoppable. He has a huge amount of emotional strength, which gives his testimony so much power!

Elder Williams likes to pretend he's just mean and doesn't have any redeeming qualities, but we all know he's one of the most caring people in our district. He is patient, trustworthy, and perceptive of the feelings of others (which is what makes him an EXCELLENT district leader for these last two weeks here). While he sometimes seems hesitant to share spiritual insights when we study the scriptures together, his insights are always unique and so well thought out.

Elder Hinkson is sooo smart. Not only does he have the gift of knowledge, but he knows how to share that with others in a way that helps them understand and increase in their own knowledge. There have been multiple times I've had a doctrinal question and he's always able to use scripture as well as personal experience to explain it to me. I'm so grateful for his wisdom and willingness to share his experiences and testimony to serve others.

Elder Curtis has an infectious enthusiasm for missionary work and life in general! He's helped me understand so much about how to be a better missionary and person. He knows how to make anything fun and enjoyable when most other people would complain or be unenthusiastic. He also has an incredible spirit and a powerful testimony and when he speaks purposefully, he speaks with power.

Sister Nethercott is a stubborn, determined, persistent missionary and I have no doubt it'll get her places others wouldn't be able to go in Thailand. She loves to sit down with people and help them sort things out in a really objective, logical way. She tends to approach everything very logically but she also feels the Spirit very strongly (I think some people have a tendency to think you can't do both). She does both very well. I'm grateful to have had her as a companion these last few weeks.

--
Sister Zoller

Just a small town girl...

This week we were Skyped with people in Thailand for one of our lessons! Sooo crazy to think we were talking to a real person in Thailand...sometimes I think I've been here so long I've forgotten what real life is. The lesson was AWESOME. We met with a member and despite some issues with skype connections, it was a very powerful experience. I learned a lot and I'm so excited to leave for Thailand in...7 DAYS!!!!! That's right folks, we got our flight plans Friday evening and it's official! I'm leaving the United States for 16 months in Thailand. We fly out next Monday evening from Salt Lake City to LAX to Hong Kong and then we arrive in Bangkok on the morning of Wednesday, August 6.

I've been thinking a lot about Thailand lately, obviously...and it's led me to ponder the steps that led me here. I'm just a girl from a tiny town on Lake Michigan! I didn't have any major plans for my life, and I didn't really expect to go anywhere or do anything important. But here I am, doing the most important work that can be done on this earth for God's children on the other side of the world! And the only answer I can come up with for the why is because God has a plan for me and my life that is very individual and is meant to teach me a lot of humility, trust in God, and love for Him and for other people. I can't get over how grateful I am for this opportunity to serve and be a missionary. On that note, I can say with confidence that God has an individual plan for everyone, and that if we are obedient and work hard, the Lord's not gonna let us miss out on the awesome things He has in store for everyone and the amazing ways He wants to help us grow and develop.

This week was way fun! We've become pretty tight with all the Nong-Thais -- they're a great group of missionaries and I'm so pumped to serve with them in Thailand. The cool thing about being here is seeing all the potential in everyone, the incredible maturity and faith and strength. It brings me up every time I feel discouraged or overwhelmed. On a not-so-spiritual note, one of the Nong-Thai Elders this week said a prayer and he said "Khop khun farang" instead of "khop khun prah-ong" and "farang" is the thai word for guava fruit and also a lightly mocking word for white people, the cultural equivalent of being called a "gringo" in spanish-speaking countries. So instead of "We thank thee" he said "Thank you white dude" and that is something we're still laughing about a week after it happened. Maybe that's just funnier because we've been here as long as we have...

Tuesday we had an awesome devotional from a general authority and all nine of his children, who have all served missions (the youngest is still currently serving). The overall message I pulled from the devotional was the importance of hope. Hope is "an abiding trust" that all things will work together for our good. DON'T LOSE HOPE. Because when you do, you stop trying and caring. So even if you do lose hope, don't stop trying! Never stop trying and pushing forward because sometimes you just have to push through and while life never gets easier, it always gets better and it will get better!

Tuesday night, we ate a fresh mango (shoutout to Mama Nethercott for that one!) with Elder Okimoto and Elder Hilton. Elder Okimoto is from Hawaii and I thought he was going to cry tears of joy he was so happy to have a fresh mango. I've learned so much from him and all the elders about appreciating the simple pleasures and being able to laugh about everything and not sweat the small stuff.

Wednesday was Elder Curtis' birthday! He just turned 19, and while he's not the youngest in our district, he is very young and we all loved giving him a hard time all day. jk, jk, we just liked doing that because he didn't want us to make a big deal out of his birthday. We decked out his chair and desk and the other sisters even made him a birthday crown and fan. I also saw Hillary Hughes because she just got here to the MTC! Shoutout to Sister Hughes, she's gonna be an AWESOME missionary (48th ward represent!).

Thursday was service again! I got to put up the flag for Greece...not many people know this, but when I was 16, I went to a youth activity about missionary work and I was "called" to the Greece Athens mission. Before that time, I'd never thought seriously about a mission, nor did I think I would be any good at it. That day, we learned some Greek (all of which I've since forgotten) and went out to teach a lesson with the sister missionaries in that area. It was a super spiritual experience and made a powerful impact on me and made me mentally open to the possibility of serving. It definitely prepared me a lot for this mission, and it's because of that that Greece has always held a special place in my heart here.

Friday was a wonderful day for the sole reason that we got our travel plans!!! We've been here so long it doesn't feel like we're finally leaving, but we ARE and it's gonna be the greatest thing ever!
Saturday was crazy. Sister Herrmann has Strep throat and so we were up super late with her and Sister Brown helping them out and keeping them comfortable. Being sick in the MTC is soo horrible. You're supposed to be relaxing and staying in bed but you want to be productive but you can't mentally focus so you end up just feeling like you have no purpose and you feel like you're slacking off, which isn't true but that's just how you feel when you get sick here, and I'm guessing on the mission in general. Not fun. Sister Herrmann's been so positive though. She's a trooper. :)

On Sunday, we heard from Sheri Dew and had an amazing sacrament meeting with talks by our own Sister Nethercott and Elder Hinkson! We talked about the Book of Mormon...man, that is my favorite book of all time. I want absolutely everyone in the whole world to read it.

This is my last week here...gonna go hard! To quote Elder Curtis, "Let's freaking go!"

Shoutout to my family for being so awesome and for settling in Indianapolis this week! Shoutout to my Dad because it's his birthday this week! I love you guys so much!

(Extra note for anyone who reads these all the way through to the end: because I'm leaving on a Monday, if you send me any dearelders this week, they need to be sent before this Friday at noon because they don't do those on Saturday and on Monday we leave too early to get any mail. Same goes for any mail, if you want me to get it, send it as early as you can! I'll post my Thailand address probably next week.)

1. me and the greece flag!

2. Sister Nethercott, myself and the Nong-thai sisters! Sisters Hatch, Ong, and Grover.

3. Elders Curtis, Elder Hinkley, Elder Pratt, and Elder Hinkson doing a boy band pic.

--
Sister Zoller

know your purpose, be bold, expect miracles!

Sooo...another week. Man are these flying now. Sister Nethercott shared with me a diagram this week that has a long line representing our lives on Earth and another line that is almost equally long that represents our time here in the MTC. Looking back, it feels like forever, but looking forward, it feels like no time at all, because we only have two weeks left here in the states!

Due to unusual circumstances with part of the district, there was a companion transfer for myself, Sister Herrmann, Sister Brown and Sister Nethercott. My new khuu is Sister Nethercott, and Sister Herrmann is with Sister Brown. I love Sister Herrmann and have learned a lot from her! She is a dedicated missionary and knows how to focus on really getting to know the investigator and helping relate the gospel to them with their personal challenges. She also has a love for the Doctrine and Covenants I've never seen, and it's inspired me to study and appreciate that book more. She's extremely gifted with the language and knows how to focus and study effectively. I've been blessed to be her companion for the last six weeks (the length of a normal transfer).

As awesome as Sister Herrmann is, I am thrilled to have Sister Nethercott as my khuu! We sat down at our first companion study to talk about our language goals for the next few weeks and discovered that we share all the same goals! We went right to work and we've accomplished so much in just the last three days. We've already memorized our missionary purpose and half of the hymn "Called to Serve" in Thai, and this week we're diving into memorizing the First Vision in Thai and one or two other scripture passages. We've been so productive, and I've already learned so much from Sister Nethercott about how to be a better missionary.

Because we are missionaries, everything we do here is done in the name of Jesus Christ -- prayers, testimonies, invitations, studying...everything. This week, we had a devotional about remembering the sacredness of that name and not letting our prayers, which end in his name, to become repetitive or commonplace. It helped me evaluate how I pray and make efforts to make my prayers more meaningful. Since learning how to pray in Thai, my prayers have become more powerful and more sincere since I have to really think about what I'm saying. It's a huge blessing to be set apart to learn and speak a foreign language.

As mentioned last week, this week we said goodbye to the Cambodian, Vietnamese, and Hmong missionaries in our zone. It was exciting but also sad, because we've all gotten really close in the last six weeks. Tomorrow, the two Lao-speaking Elders fly out and after that we will be the oldest people in the zone! We had 18 new Thai-speaking missionaries come in last week, though, so that was awesome. They remind me so much of our district when we first got here, all wide-eyed and trying to contain the insane amount of new knowledge being crammed in their heads. They're gonna be so great. We're now majority Thai-speaking in our zone, with two other districts of Cantonese-speakers. So, huge shoutout to the Lao Elders, because they're leaving this week. They've been the zone leaders for the last three weeks, and man do we love them. For those who don't know, Laotian and Thai are pretty similar -- if you know one, you can understand the other pretty well. Lao is actually a little easier than Thai in some ways, so we've picked up some Lao and the Lao Elders have helped us speak/read Thai better. We love them and wish them the best of luck in Sacramento, California!

With the Lao Elders leaving, our new zone leaders are Elder Curtis and Elder Hinkson. As goofy and immature as they can sometimes be (and as loud as Elder Curtis laughs sometimes), they have the Spirit and power of God with them and as I watched them on Sunday go up to the stand and take on their new responsibilities, I was struck with how grateful I am to be in this district to see the growth and change in everyone. It feels like forever for all that's happened, but it's been no time at all for all the growth that's taken place in everyone. It's been especially apparent in the Elders, but everyone in my district is so spiritually mature and has such an understanding and love for this work and it is inspiring.

With all the Nong-Thais (new thai missionaries) we've had some extra substitute teachers stepping in and helping every once in a while. We love them all dearly! Brother Sanchez (who's actually the official Lao teacher but knows Thai, Lao, Hmong, Spanish, and Arabic) was teaching us this week and Elder Hinkson asked him in Thai if Brother Sanchez can translate between all those languages "on the fly." What Elder Hinkson meant to say was "Khun blaah on the fly?" (the "a" sound in "blaah" is pronounced like the A in apple, and it means "to translate") but what he actually said was "Khun bleh on the fly?" and "bleh" means fish and putting "khun" before a noun makes it beloved, so what Elder Hinkson actually said to Brother Sanchez was "Beloved fish on the fly." We haven't stopped calling Elder Hinkson "beloved fish" yet.

Aside from the companion swap, the highlight of the week was probably getting our Thai nametags! Shoutout to Sister Nethercott for asking around and being determined in getting them for us a week earlier than we otherwise would have. We're not allowed to wear them here because we're an English-speaking training center so people need to be able to read our nametags, but they're so cool.

Extra shoutout to the Elders down the hall from us who are going to Madagascar speaking Malagasy! They're so much fun and we love bearing our testimonies to each other in Thai and Malagasy.

I love you all! Have a wonderful week!

Pics:
1. Sister Nethercott, myself, Elders Hinkson and Curtis (new zone leaders) and Elder Parsons and Griffin (old zone leaders/Lao Elders).
2. Thai nametag! Looks pretty funky, huh?
--
Sister Zoller

Week 6 (just put me on a plane to Thailand already!)

Me and my puppy Ginger!

Well, all I've got to say about the MTC at this point is that I'm leaving three weeks from today and that is a wonderful, wonderful blessing! On Monday, we got to clean the Provo temple with our district! The sisters cleaned the chandeliers in the sealing rooms. I've never noticed before how incredibly intricate all the light fixtures -- dozens and dozens of tiny glass rods put together to reflect light. As a Church, we put so much work into our temples because they are truly the Lord's houses, and I feel immensely blessed to have access to one like I do for the next few weeks.

While we were serving in the temple, we were with some of the temple workers who were helping and directing us. We sat down cleaning crystal chandelier pieces and talked for maybe two hours. It was the first time I've had a legitimate conversation with a person outside of the MTC since I got here and I can't tell you how nice it was to sit down with a person who actually knew 80s music as well as I do (shoutout to Dad and Mom for raising me right!).

Beyond that, the only really unique thing that happened this week was our district kickball game against the Cambodian district on Saturday! We lost, but our whole district had a blast. Considering I've never played kickball before in my life, I think we did pretty dang good. I've also started playing catch with Sister Peck and sometimes other people in our district, and there's nothing quite as relaxing as playing catch outside on a beautiful morning in the shadow of a gorgeous mountain and a temple (until I accidentally hit Sister Brown with a softball. She's totally fine, don't worry. shoutout to Sister Brown for being awesome and playing with me anyways!). Oh, and we also flew kites in the rain during companion study this week. Shoutout to the Cambodian Elders for having kites and letting us borrow them! I'm at the point now where literally anything that takes away from our normal schedule is the greatest thing ever. Also, shoutout to half our zone because they're leaving today and tomorrow! We're losing our Vietnamese-speakers, our Hmong-speakers, and all the Cambodians. That's like...half of our zone. But we get 18 new thai-speakers on Wednesday! We're so pumped to have more Thai missionaries (although we're secretly really jealous that our teachers will be spending more time with them instead of us now).

This week I'd like to talk a little bit about enduring trials. On thursday, I had a strong prompting all day that I needed to be praying for my family, although I had no idea why. It all made sense when I received a DearElder that evening that said that Ginger, my family's German Shepherd, had been put down. While the event itself wasn't a shock, it was still a pretty heavy emotional blow, and I'm still reeling in some ways. She was one of my best friends, my baby, and I already feel her absence. Saying goodbye never gets any easier, but I knew when I left home that I was sacrificing that. Maybe that doesn't seems like that big of a deal, but for me, it was huge. Being a missionary is truly a humbling experience. Just when I think I have given my all, more is asked of me and more weight is placed on my shoulders. The Lord has been teaching me some very powerful lessons lately about learning to rely on Him and I don't think I've learned it quite yet.

In an amazing talk entitled "Trust in the Lord" by Richard G. Scott, he said the following: "To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it...Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love." There's another talk by Elder David A. Bednar called "Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease" that talks about how to move on from tragedy and trials: "We are not and never need be alone. We can press forward in our daily lives with heavenly help. Through the Savior's Atonement we can receive capacity and strength beyond our own."

This work is hard, but it is the only work that truly matters in the end. Said the Prophet Joseph Smith, "Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation." This is the only Church on the Earth that has the restored fullness of Christ's gospel. I know that. I've always known, but probably never as strongly as I do now. I love you all!

--
Sister Zoller

living on a prayer

Getting through this week was hard, but I can now humbly say that I'm more than halfway through my nine weeks in the MTC! This week was all about prayer and keeping a constant conversation going with God all day, every day. Someone once made the observation here that we're a lot like the apostle Peter walking on the water to the Savior; and "when he Peter saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me." (Matthew 14:30) It was because Peter was distracted that he began to sink, because he looked around at the world around him and realized what a scary situation he was in. And in that instant after he began to sink, he cried out to the Lord. "And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him..." (Matthew 14:31). That's pretty much how this week has felt. When I keep up an ongoing conversation with the Lord throughout my day (in addition to praying on my knees and with my companion/investigators), I feel like I'm metaphorically hanging on to the Savior's arm in a world that I would never be able to face on my own. Even with all that, I often trip and get distracted, but gratefully, the Lord is ever-patient and merciful and willing to help me back up to try again and again and again.

On Wednesday we had the opportunity to serve as hosts in the MTC, which meant we helped all the new missionaries as they arrived with getting books and getting them settled into their rooms and classrooms. The first person I hosted was an international sister from Bombay. She spoke decent English but overall seemed very nervous being alone in a foreign country with just a medium-sized suitcase. I was humbled to talk with her and serve her because she sacrificed so much to come here, thousands of miles, to serve the Lord and do his will.

In addition to this wonderful sister, I hosted three elders and another sister. It was so touching to see the enthusiasm and anticipation in the eyes of the missionaries. One of the Elders I helped was going to Argentina, and as we were walking down the sidewalk with all his luggage, he quietly admitted his feelings of inadequacy. I almost dropped all his luggage to hug him right where he was. I opened my mouth and heard the words, "Elder, the Lord needs you here. He has called you. He loves you. I promise you you're doing the right thing." And that was all we said on that topic for the rest of the time until I put him on a bus to west campus. The coolest part of that experience, though, was that I didn't say any of those words. Those words were spoken by the spirit through me. I've had experiences like this many times in the MTC but it never ceases to amaze me to feel the power of God. I am humbled and grateful to be in a position to be the servant of the Lord.

Being a missionary has made me so aware of God's love for everyone in the missionary equation: the investigator, the member, the missionary, and the companion. Our purpose is to invite others to come unto Christ; that means EVERYONE! Once this week, in a moment of exasperation, I asked God, "what would you have me do?" and immediately I thought of a scene from Lord of the Rings where Eowyn asks her Uncle King Theoden the same question as he leaves her with the tremendous responsibility of ruling a kingdom. He puts his arms around her and says in response, "I would have you smile again." In spite of the darkness of the world, in spite of everything she had to do, her uncle (and father figure) just wanted her to be happy. Doesn't our Heavenly Father, who loves us infinitely, want the same thing for us? I know He wants that for all of us.

Friday was the 4th of July, obviously...I've never been the most into celebrating holidays but my companion more than made up for it with the most patriotic outfit and accessories. But that night was possibly the best night of my life thus far. We started the night off with a musical show that got us all hyped up because we have some insane talent here in the MTC. Then there was a devotional that brought the Spirit like crazy, and then we watched 17 Miracles, which I've heard loads about but never seen before. It's about the journey of the companies of Latter-Day Saints who crossed the plains in handcarts and the miracles that made it possible for them to arrive in the Salt Lake Valley. It was inspiring to see and remember the tremendous sacrifices that were made by those who went before us, but my favorite part was when the main character said, "I can't remember how many times I turned around to see who was pushing my handcart, but saw no one" and as the camera pans behind him it shows angels and people helping him by pushing his cart as he pulled it -- it is the same with us. God does not leave us alone, he sends help, though often we can't see it or even realize it until later.

Then we went and watched the fireworks for the Stadium of Fire! I've never seen a fireworks show that big, so I'm sure there were stars in my eyes the whole night, but as it came close to the finale I remembered that the last time I watched fireworks was in 2012, a few nights before my family and I left Wisconsin. At that time in my life, I had recently graduated high school. I was scared and felt purposeless; I did not know who I was or what I was going to do with my life. The future appeared dark and uncertain, and I did not know what to expect or what to do. Whether aloud or in my heart, in the form of a prayer or just a desperate wish, I begged that the next time I watched fireworks, I would be a different person, I would feel my life had purpose, and I would be happy. That night, at that time in my life, non of that seemed possible, but three nights ago I stood outside watching fireworks from the MTC on my way to Thailand, and I am a better person than I ever thought was possible then. God heard me. The Lord has been in the details of my life since its beginning, and I am and will be forever grateful for all He has done and continues to do for me. As I stood there watching the beautiful fireworks, I was hit with a wave of gratitude that overwhelmed me. I love the Lord and this gospel. The Lord has led me this far and he will not abandon me, now, or ever. And if He has done all that for me, don't you think He's done all that for you, too?

whoaaa....we're halfway there...

Another week! so technically we're not halfway through yet, we won't be until this thursday, but exactly five weeks from today we'll be flying out to Thailand! Bomb diggity.

This week we started learning how to read and write Thai script. We started on Tuesday and were basically left to our own devices to study and teach ourselves how to do it. It's AWESOME. I'm so dang slow but I can usually figure words out relatively quickly. I freaking love learning Thai.

On Tuesday evening we had our usual devotional but it was special because this week was the Mission President Seminar where all the new mission presidents come and get trained by the apostles and first presidency. At our devotional, there were six apostles sitting at the front! Elders Oaks, Christoffersen, Anderson, Bednar, Ballard, and Nelson. Elder Christoffersen was the only one to speak, but it was so powerful to feel the spirit of all those apostles in the same room as us! Elder Christoffersen talked about the worth of souls. What is the worth of a human soul? "The worth of a human soul is its capacity to become like God." There are no ordinary people in this world! He went on to say that if the worth of souls is great in the sight of God, it must be worthless in the eyes of Satan. Satan will do everything he can to make us feel worthless and ordinary. Recognize that when you feel that way, those feelings are not from God.

Most days we sit in class and have Thai spewed at us for 8 or more hours a day, but on Thursdays we have an hour and a half to do service in the MTC, usually by helping out with some of the more menial cleaning tasks. We love it because it's physical and we don't have to be sitting in class, but last week was more awesome than usual because we got to put up flags at the MTC! The sisters in our district put up 31 flags in the front and side of the MTC, from Peru to India to Canada to South Africa. And of course Thailand!

On our temple walk we ran into one of the sisters we know from Thailand. While the rest of the sisters in my district were talking to her, I started up a conversation with her companion, Hermana Ferro, and quickly learned she's from Peru and barely speaks English. Sister Nethercott and I talked to her for probably an hour and a half in Spanish and the rest of the night we were speaking "Spaiglish" (which is Spanish, Thai, and English). So fun. Hermana Ferro is speaking Spanish and English on her mission but there are four sisters in her district and they are native-speaking Korean, Thai, Mandarin Chinese, and Spanish. They can't communicate in any language other than English and most of them didn't know but a few words before they got here. I was so impressed with the sisters dedication to learning the language and persevering despite the enormous trial of the communication barrier. I know I can't imagine not being able to express my thoughts and ideas in English to my district. There are so many sacrifices made by missionaries to be here; we give everything we have and were before the mission to be who God wants us to be. "Greatness comes as you forget yourself and lose yourself in service to God."

I always feel like I never really mention any stories in my weekly letters but that's because it's the small moments in life that often bring the biggest memories. In the MTC, it's so easy to see the impact of a random act of service like opening a door for someone. I thrive on little moments like that here, like being able to work out every morning in the weight gym or biking a new record. When I start worrying about my ability to be a missionary and suddenly Elder Hilton will make some sassy comment and Elder Okimoto will start laughing and then we all start laughing. When Sister Herrmann and I are sitting in a lesson and suddenly our investigator makes a major personal breakthrough and starts feeling what we're saying instead of just listening. When we talk about favorite movies and somehow Elder Curtis and I end up leading a rendition of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," or when we're all super frustrated with studying and suddenly our whole district is on the floor laughing about something really stupid or immature. In the words of a random note I got this week, "everything is gonna be alright. :)"

The Church is true...la iglesia es verdad...ศาสนาเป็นความจริง

all of our food. there are eight sisters and we all donated as much as we could to the cause. it was a huge success.

there was this spicy thai tuna that sister brown's mom sent to us! we were all a little apprehensive to try it but sister Alley, sister Mamea and I had the guts to do it and it turned out really good!

district pic!

sisters having fun pic!

In the last almost three weeks, we've had devotionals from Elder Quentin L. Cook, Elder M. Russell Ballard, Sister Sheri Dew and Sister Janice Kapp Perry. Because it's the new mission president conference for the next few days, we've had 14 of the 15 apostles on our MTC campus (we haven't seen really any of them though) and yesterday the Elders in our district had the opportunity to pass the sacrament in the same room as President Thomas S. Monson. This morning my companion and I were coming back from the temple and we totally saw President Henry B. Eyring! He waved to us from his car. Nooooo big deal...our lives are kinda made. ;)

We said goodbye to the older Thai elders this week! They actually just left today. We were all sad to see them go but excited to see them when we hit Thailand in six weeks and at zone conferences and stuff. Crazy how three weeks with people can make us feel so connected and close! That's mission life for ya.

Well, if I've noticed any patterns in my life, it's that really hard stuff leads to really awesome stuff. Sometimes they occur simultaneously. This week has been a week of the Spirit. I've received so many answers to prayers and questions in so many different ways and it's been physically exhausting because it's so spiritually intense. It's awesome.

The gift of tongues is real. As we put in the effort to speak the language all the time, we have been blessed to learn faster and feel the spirit more powerfully. I have been struggling to learn the word "special" for almost a week and was really frustrated that I could never remember it, but as I was sitting in a lesson on Saturday our investigator used it in a question and in that moment I learned the word and pronunciation and I have not forgotten it since. I have been sitting in lessons struggling to remember words or phrases to use and out of seeming nowhere the Spirit will bring a word to my mouth or a thought of what to say. I'm so grateful to be learning Thai.

All the sisters in our district have decided that we're going to do "Friday Night Food Parties" every friday night! We collect all the food we're sent and go crazy. This week's special was this "spicy Thai tuna" courtesy of Sister Brown's mom! We were all a little scared to try it but it turned out to be soo good! We're already pumped for next week. Apparently we have a bit of a reputation in our building of being the loudest district because we're always singing, laughing, and being generally happy and awesome. We're really cool with being gossiped about that way.

Sometimes when Sister Herrmann and I get bored during study we go outside and bear our testimonies in Thai to missionaries or employees to help us practice, and we've had so many good experiences come from that because even though no one can understand what we're saying (and we're probably butchering the words that we are saying), the Spirit is there and conveys the message anyways. As we were walking I felt impressed to share our testimonies with an older couple that were walking around campus but as we introduced ourselves we realized that they didn't speak English! They were the new mission president for the Argentina Rosario Mission and were there for training, so their English was broken and about as good as our Thai. We bore our testimonies in Thai and I was able to speak with them in Spanish afterwards! It was suuuuch a tender mercy for me because I LOVE Spanish and it was such a blessing to feel like I could still speak and understand it as well as I could (although I don't doubt that the spirit was there to help me as much as ever). The Church is true in every language, in every country, in every time and place. The Lord has given us the privilege of serving Him and furthering the work. 

Go watch "Missionary Work and the Atonement" on youtube. it's our district's favorite video.

Life isn't a t-shirt giveaway!

Sister Heaton, Sister Herrmann, Sister Tu'avo (probably spelled wrong), and I. Sister Heaton and Tu'avo left for Hong Kong this morning! We love them.

Me, Sister Nethercott, Elder Curtis and Elder Hinkson. I don't have favorites, but if I did, those would be my favorite Elders.

We told the Elders to smile for their moms and that was the result.

the Thai sisters! I love love LOVE them! Pitts, Alley, Herrmann, me, Peck, Brown, Nethercott, and Mamea.

Brown, Herrmann, me, Nethercott, Mamea. We love temple walks on Sundays!

Sawatdiikha iig! It's our second p-day here in the MTC! This week is a lot more down in the trenches getting dirty, but we're still learning so much and loving everything!

This has been a week of miracles. It's said at the MTC that obedience brings blessings, but exact obedience brings miracles, and this has been a week of miracles in our district. When I give everything to the Lord and trust Him, I can feel the spirit speaking through me and helping me remember words and phrases that I would never remember without divine help. I've been sitting in lessons not knowing what to say when suddenly a phrase will pop into my head and I'll know exactly what the Spirit wants me to say. It's a powerful experience and I'm so grateful to be learning Thai.

It's said that Thai is one of the hardest languages to learn for English speakers, along with Vietnamese, Mandarin Chinese, Cantonese, and Cambodian...all the languages in our zone! It's supposed to take thousands of classroom hours to be able to learn all the grammar and syntax and everything and the fact that I can carry a broken conversation and understand what's being said is nothing less than a miracle.

It can be really stressful and discouraging at times, despite all our success and motivation, and this week was definitely long and hard. I was frustrated initially because I can't deal with stress how I normally would by jamming out to music or going for a drive or a late-night run, but I've realized I have sooo many resources to help me even here. I've been blessed with an AMAZING district and whenever some of us get down, Elder Curtis or Elder Hinkson will crack a joke or Sister Alley will give us a positive pep talk or someone will read a scripture or we'll have an Easy Cheese friday night party or I'll get a priesthood blessing and they're such simple things, but they make such a big difference in helping me make it through one more day at a time. Around here, you gotta get excited about the little things and tender mercies because they're EVERYWHERE but you just gotta look sometimes. Some days when I get really burned out I go listen to spanish hymns while I study Thai, and it's such a tender mercy from the Lord to be able to have access to those on the LDS website. And all the mormon messages! Go watch the one called "True Christianity" with the cute little old men in the biker club. I love it. And go watch the one about fathers, too! It's even better!

One night this week, we were sooo burned out. We'd had 8 hours of Thai and were feeling like we weren't getting any of it, and as we were moping one of the Vietnamese Elders named Elder Andrews stopped in our classroom and we started talking. Out of nowhere, he shared with us some things his district had been talking about recently. He emphasized that the mission is the Lord's time; when we come here to serve, we sacrifice everything about our old lives to devote everything we have to serving the Lord completely. This is His time, not ours, so obedience is key. Then someone reminded us of that quote that goes something like "You have two years to give to the Lord and the rest of your life to think about it." CRAZY. but true. Talking with Elder Andrews was exactly what we needed that night to put things in perspective.

I remember a picture/saying that used to hang in our house back in Wisconsin, and I don't remember if we still have it but it says, "With God behind us, and His arms beneath us, we can face whatever lies before us."

Happy Father's day! It was hard being in the MTC yesterday when literally all anyone was talking about was how great Dads are, but it's true. Dads are awesome, and mine is especially awesome. I'm so grateful for his example to me and his patience and love. In addition to our earthly fathers, we all have a Heavenly Father who loves us and wants nothing more than to help us. Turn to Him in everything you do, and you will notice an increase in divine help in whatever you need help with. Remember, if it's important to you, it's important to Him.

Have a great week everyone!

Sidtaa Zoller